--Every time you bare one of your breasts to feed him, he tries to behead you for your immodesty.

--He keeps flying his Fisher-Price airplane into everything.

--Last night when you tried to feed him, he proclaimed, "Death to strained peas!"

--He's always throwing playground rocks at the Jewish babies.

--The only thing that chafes him more than a wet diaper is western-style democracies.

--When you play hide and seek, you have to hire Navy SEAL Team Six to find him.

--Somehow he's managed to pack his stroller with three tons of fertilizer.

--He REALLY hates bath time.

--He chops off the hands of his sister's Barbie after catching it driving.

--The only thing that soothes him to sleep is MSNBC.

--It sounded like baby talk, but his first word really was "Fatwa".

--He won't go to sleep unless you read him his favorite book:  "Green Eggs and Hamas".