--You started drinking early . . . on February 1st.

--You scour Craigslist for a leprechaun tranny.

--You pinch people who aren't wearing green.  Or who are wearing green.  Okay, you're a pervert.

--You've been hospitalized for attempting to dye your pubes green.

--You wear a "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" button to Magic Johnson's house.

--Even when you're sober, you swear that Notre Dame is gonna have a good football team.

--You're holding Ronald McDonald hostage until he puts Shamrock Shakes back on the menu.

--You offer any priest named "Patrick" a complimentary molestation.

--To appear more as a leprechaun, you had your legs chopped in half.

--You're constantly being slapped for showing women your "shillelagh."

--You like using classic Irish phrases, like "Erin Go Bragh," "Top O' the Mornin'" and "I'm drunk off my ass!"

 --You ask the ladies at the bar to imitate Saint Patrick and chase the snake out of your pants.

--You stuff your skull bong with four leaf clovers.