5AM (1):

-         The perfect Christmas gift is one of those bathtubs with doors made for old people.  

-         Oprah is so rich that it doesn’t matter if anyone buys her products or watches her TV show.

-         Is there any truth in the rape allegations against Bill Cosby?

-         Remember buying Tang back in the day? Most kids wanted it because the astronauts drank it.

-         Kids in the ‘70s had legitimate heroes like astronauts and scientists to look up to. Today, the landscape is a much different story.

5AM (2):

-         If you got a flu shot this year, it’s completely worthless. According to scientists, the virus has mutated so much that the current iteration of the shot is ineffective.

-         NFL coaches always have the notion that they can ‘coach’ the attitude out of their players.

6AM (1):

-         Are you ready for Obamacare? Of course, we won’t know the full extent of what the bill entails until it’s rolled out. Good for Obama, bad for us.

-         Calls

6AM (2):

-         If you don’t have a strong stomach, you may want to avoid the radio for a few minutes.

-         Calls  

-         Misuse of EBT cards is a prevalent problem across the country.

-         Almost everyone with an EBT card is fat. In other words, the EBT cards have nothing to do with food and everything to do with liberal voting.

6AM (3):

-         Why is Hillary Clinton such a social trend? Maybe it’s because she’s just like us.

-         A political survey indicates that Hillary has a weak following in the South. To fix this, Hillary hired a country singer to garner the southern support she wants.

-         Audio: Hillary’s new country tune is sure to be a radio hit!

6AM (4):

-         Some regions deal with snow and ice, but the winter in the Gulf coast is comprised of fog and rain.

-         5 random facts

7AM (1)

-         Parody: Why spend Christmas with ivory when you can spend it with ebony?

-         Emails

-         Calls

-         Yesterday we spoke with Officer Mike, who enlightened us on police protocol in the case of the New York man selling loose-rolled cigarettes.

-         Ken has a theory that Mayor Bloomberg is responsible for the death of the large black man selling ‘loose cigarettes.’

7AM (2):

-         Parody: This holiday season, check out She-Jack’s Christmas Kwanza Bonanza!

-         A liberal has proposed a bill that aims to prevent the ability of schools to punish kids that fashion ‘guns’ out of their hands, paper or pop tarts. He believes that these rules detract from valuable instruction time.

-         Did you watch the live presentation of Peter Pan last night? Captain Hook was played by Christopher Walken. The show also featured Brian Williams’ daughter.

7AM (3):

-         Parody: Ghetto nominations for Secretary of State.

-         For the first time since Ulysses S. Grant, America is no longer holds the record for the world’s most successful economies.

-         One of the only things that the US makes anymore is Hollywood movies. That title may soon be gone as well due to the success of Bollywood.

7AM (4):

-         What the hell happened to Eddie Murphy? His demise might have been due to the release of Beverly Hills Cop 3.

-         It makes no sense to put a person that hates a country in charge of the country. Case in point: Barack Obama.

-         According to reports, the main reason that marriages last longer now is due to the fact that many people are waiting longer to get married. Also, the majority of couples live together before tying the knot, which could lead to more successful marriage in the long run.

-         Surprisingly, public bathrooms are no cleaner than your bathroom at home.