5AM (1):

-         When most people say “there’s trouble coming” it’s because they’re about to start it.

-         Chloe Goins is the latest woman to come forward with rape allegations against Bill Cosby.

-         James Cameron has postponed the Avatar series yet again. Bummer.

-         The kid that planned to bomb the Capitol is quite scary looking.

-         According to Barack, the Muslim call to prayer is the most beautiful sound in the world.

5AM (2):

-         Snoop Dogg is a grandfather today.

-         The list of derogatory things can we say about the decision making capabilities of the Texans in nearly infinite.

6AM (1):

-         Why is Texas so vehemently opposed to gambling? The amount of money that crosses the state lines into Louisiana and Oklahoma is immense.

-         The 20-year-old that planned to bomb the Capitol is practitioner of Islam. Big surprise.

-         Velveeta may not be real cheese, but it sure is tasty!

6AM (2):

-         5 Random Facts

6AM (3):

-         A new study conducted in the Netherlands concluded that people that smell like lavender are trusted more than those that smell like other fragrances. On a side note, when did the Netherlands move away from being called Holland?

-         Yet another woman has come forward with rape allegations against Bill Cosby.

-         Parody: Unnecessary censorship

6AM (4):

-         Billy Ed can’t take another story about a stupid person this morning.  

-         Australia represents what we used to be before we became a nation of pussies.

-         How long before Putin invades the US?

-         In the entire history of the US, there has never been a US President less popular with the military than Barack Obama.

7AM (1)

-         Some reports indicate that Barack’s military approval rating is now 15 percent.

-         Tomorrow, Duke University will broadcast the Muslim call to prayer. What country do we live in exactly?

-         Barack may say that he’s a Christian, but we all know that he’s as Muslim as they come.

-         How many lies does Obama have to tell before he’s considered a bona fide liar? 10, 50, maybe 100…?

7AM (2):

-         Parody: Have you checked out the latest program from Weight Watchers?

-         How is sending an envelope full of glitter considered a prank?

-         Turns out that Houston cops just love to shoot criminals in the face.

7AM (3):

-         The IRS announced yesterday that if you’re expecting a refund this year it will likely be late. There are still no exceptions for late payments, however.

-         Emails: Obamacare is all about political power as one California engineer puts so eloquently.

7AM (4):

-         Drew Brees is nearly 40. Does this mean he’ll be using a Hurrycane soon?

-         Taser report

8AM (1):

-         Everyone knows that Elvis wasn’t a karate expert.

-         Rick Springfield is being sued after inadvertently knocking a woman unconscious with his ass.

-         Contradictory reports from the Romney household: Mitt claims he’s running for president. His wife, however, says he’s not.

-         Parody: This summer, Kurt Busch is the NASCAR assassin!

8AM (2):

-         How dare anyone call an illegal alien a “non citizen”  

-         An Alabama elementary school teacher wants to arm her students with canned goods to use in case of a school break in.

8AM (3):

-         Barack wants to give more time off to government employees. Yes, that’s exactly what the most unproductive workers on earth need.

8AM (4):

-         This day in history

-         The average person consumes over 5000 slices of pizza over his or her lifetime.

9AM (1):

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         The IRS is nothing but a behemoth-sized criminal organization.

-         Where exactly does Barack find all this vacation time?

-         Since being in office, Obama has created over 65,000 new rules and regulations.

9AM (2):

-         What will you give up for lent this year? How about edamame?

-         Mr. Kenneth loves kale salad.

-         Fun Fact: The average worker gets 35 pointless work-related emails per week.

-         It’s a crying shame that not enough black actors and actresses were nominated during the Oscars.

9AM (3):

-         A “loosie” is what you call when you sell individual cigarettes.

-         After all the years of talk, the TV show Match Made in Heaven is featuring their own black ‘Bachelor’

-         Let’s be honest: Men don’t watch TV based on the channel; we watch based on content

-         Calls – It’s a rule of thumb for a man to ALWAYS have some hidden cash stashed away from the wife.

-         Now that Duke University has allowed a public presentation of the Muslim call to prayer how many other universities will follow suit?

9AM (4):

-         Why exactly does Mitt Romney think he needs to run for president? As much as we love to hate him, he was right about many of his predictions.

-         What if the US and Russia instated a program where we swapped leaders every two years.