5AM (1):

-         TV people know that fear sells! Here in Houston, the fog has caused the television personalities to react like the Chinese have invaded.

-         Why do people in Texas drive with their flashers on in the rain and fog? Flashers indicate that someone is stopped.

-         Breaking: President Obama’s State of the Union speech tonight will be a repeat.

5AM (2):

-         Taking a cruise is hardly ever the fun that the commercial implies.

-         How exactly did Tiger Woods get his tooth knocked out?

-         Can anyone remember the last time that Tiger Woods actually won anything?

6AM (1):

-         Bob Dylan has released a new album and for some reason it’s in the news.

-         A long-time girlfriend might as well be your wife.

-         In Paris, no one is allowed to own a gun. If this didn’t stop the Charlie Hebdoe shooters, what makes you think it will work in the US?

6AM (2):

-         Who really cares how to pronounce Seth Rogen’s name?

-         Parody: Did the Canadians send us Seth Rogen just out of spite?

-         The black community is essentially asking the cops to let them get away with more crime.

-         Parody: Don’t go out without racism insurance.

6AM (3):

-         When you think of driving while distracted, what do you think of? I’ll bet it wasn’t a dripping cheeseburger.

-         Taking your shower with a detachable shower head is invigorating provided you place the head in the right spot.

-         Do you remember the part in MLK’s speech where he told black people to get a job?

6AM (4):

-         Audio: In a gun fight with the police, the rules of political correctness don’t exist.

-         Have you heard of the trans-negroes? These are white people that live under the impression that they’re black.

7AM (1)

-         The fact that there is such a thing as a ‘trans-negro’ begs this question: Is there such thing as a trans-Caucasian?

-         Remember the time that Clint Eastwood told Michael Moore he’d kill him if he came to his door?

-         Many times we take time to highlight bad parenting; let’s take a minute to recognize a good parent.

7AM (2):

-         Did Bill Belichick order that their ball be deflated during the New England game against the Colts?

-         Today is a big day for Barack as tonight is his State of the Union address. Unfortunately the speech will feature highlights from every other speech he’s ever made.

7AM (3):

-         Barack wants you to think that the economy is booming. Unfortunately for him, over 100 million Americans are out of work.

-         Ted Nugent wants to eradicate all Muslim terrorists  

7AM (4):

-         Parody: Liberace may be dead, but his hologram still lives on.

-         Bad news: The movie Selma isn’t doing well at the box office. Does this mean the majority of moviegoers are racist?

-         The latest reports from payscale.com are out. Turns out that your degree in music education and culinary arts isn’t going to take you far.

8AM (1):

-         As of 2014, 1/3 of the world’s population has never made a phone call.

-         What will Greg Abbott be able to control with his new wheel chair?

-         Calls – Robert hates the show. Question is, why is he still listening?

8AM (2):

-         When you’re living off the government paycheck, direct deposit is a godsend. That is, of course, if you even have a bank account.

-         Funny, we never heard MLK telling people to let the government take care of you in any of his speeches.

-         Question: What’s the average time that two foxes should have sex? A man recently called the cops when he witnessed two foxes having sex for an abnormally long amount of time in his front yard.

-         Have you ever waited so long in a fast food line that you felt the need to order your food through an app?

8AM (3):

-         5 Random Facts  

-         It’s puzzling when someone doesn’t like the show, yet they continue to listen.

-         Calls

-         The next time you get an invitation that requires an RSVP, don’t forget to respond or you might just get sued.

8AM (4):

-         Did MLK compel John and Steve to be the best DJs they can be?

-         MLK should be an example to kids everywhere. Instead, he’s often regarded as an Uncle Tom in many black communities.

-         This day in history

9AM (1):

-         This day in history

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         Did you see Joan Rivers’ last appearance on television last night?

-         Who knew that so many bags of poop were left on the moon?

-         How would you like to be Sheila Jackson Lee’s seat holder in Washington DC?

-         Should the Rocky theme be played when the president enters the room?

9AM (2):

-         Nothing says “I’ve got a gun” like hearing gunshots.

-         Barack’s State of the Union address tonight will no doubt feature tax hikes for the rich

-         Parody: Do the Canadians have a plot against the US by sending us people like Seth Rogen and Tom Green?

-         Calls – Sheila Jackson Lee has been photo bombing political big shots for years.

9AM (3):

-         Was Robert E. Lee trans-Negro?

-         MLK’s kids continue to fight over their father’s money. Nothing says “I love you Dad” more than suing your fellow siblings for money.

-         CNN is reporting that Yemen’s presidential capitol is currently under attack.

9AM (4):

-         Great news: The remaining members of the band TLC are asking for your money to help them produce one more record before calling it quits.

-         An 18-month-old boy has been killed when two of Grandpa’s dogs decided to attack him. Could it have been a pit bull? Probably just a ‘mixed-breed.’