5AM (1):

-         How much does Chris Jenner get per month, per client? Turns out it’s about $150,000.

-         Paris Hilton’s brother was arrested for going berserk on a plane. Is this just a stunt by his publicist to get him in the news?

-         The woman that ISIS recently killed looks remarkably like President Obama.

5AM (2):

-         Here’s a shocker: The movie American Sniper is not doing well in Baghdad theaters.

-         If Michael Moore went over to Baghdad, how long would it be until they skinned him alive?

6AM (1):

-         What exactly is a style hero? Tim McGraw has been named the “Style Hero” of 2015.

-         Could Billy Ed qualify as a hero of style as well?

6AM (2):

-         A Cub Scout leader is in hot water after accidentally taking his scouts through a nude beach on a hiking expedition.

-         If your plane was going down, would you be sure to take a selfie on the way down?

6AM (3):

-         Did you see the disturbing footage from ISIS of the most recent execution? A pilot was burned to death in a cage, but of course, it has nothing to do with religion according to Barack.

-         At least 7 people are dead after a train collided with a Jeep Cherokee in Europe. Of course, it was a woman driver.

-         Charles Manson has let his marriage license expire. Turns out he will not be getting married. Did the bride-to-be find something in his past, perhaps?

-         A recent Royal Caribbean cruise was cut short after hundreds became ill with the norovirus. Does this mean bad news for Producer Ken’s upcoming honeymoon cruise?

-         President Obama has spent a whopping 1000 hours playing golf since becoming president.  

6AM (4):

-         Parody: Bill Cosby is more of an activist than you thought.

7AM (1)

-         Today, the word “Mongoloid” is considered offensive. This begs the question: Shouldn’t white people be offended when someone uses the word “Caucasian?”  

7AM (2):

-         Are you driving a car that will kill you? A list has been released detailing the cars that are most likely to kill you. Turns out the Kia Rio is the most dangerous car in the world.

-         Why are there so many alien abductions in Oklahoma?

7AM (3):

-         Parody song: Kenny Allen was abducted by an alien… but not the kind from space.

-         Have you checked out “edibleanus.com?” One man is providing a service that allows one to bronze his or her anus and have it cast into a work of art. Is this a great idea for Valentine’s Day?

7AM (4):

-         Parody: Kim Jong Un thinks Americans are stupid. Also, who would’ve known he’s into the Gap Band?

-         Surprisingly, Mr. Kenneth isn’t interested in getting his anus bronzed and giving it as a gift. Also, how much would you tip for a procedure like this?

 

 

 

 

 

 

8AM (1):

 

-         Parody: Is a ‘space fence’ conceivable in the near future?

-         It’s important to note that the mastermind behind the global warming hoax came clean on his death bed, claiming that it was all a hoax to make money.

-         Fun Fact: Pain killers can actually make your brain more sensitive to headaches.

-         In Beaver Dam, Wisconsin, a woman was asked to leave a McDonald’s after she brought her service kangaroo into the restaurant.

 

8AM (2):

 

-         A South African business man ripped another man’s heart out to prove he’s not gay.

-         Parody: Rejected jokes

-         Why are the Chinese so fascinated with American pop culture?

-         Turns out that having pet names for celebrities is common in China. The Chinese refer to Katy Perry as “Fruit Sister.”

 

8AM (3):

 

-         Audio: Randy Quaid has lost his mind.

-         According to a report, people in the service industry are the happiest workers. Conversely, government workers and those that work in non profit are miserable.

-         This day in history

 

8AM (4):

 

-         Does Playgirl magazine even exist anymore?

-         Parody: Black & Decker wants to protect your penis.

-         Paris Hilton’s brother caused a scene on an airplane this weekend that lead to an FBI investigation.

-         Monopoly is celebrating an anniversary today.  

9AM (1):

-         Parody: America is too soft. If there’s one thing that will save us from ourselves, it’s NASCAR.

-         Celebrity Birthdays

9AM (2):

-         It’s amazing that we have all of these new diseases today that never existed before.  

-         Turns out that ‘binge eating’ will be classified as a legitimate disease.

-         Emails – Keep your woman away from your power tools!

9AM (3):

-         Another Jesus sighting has occurred: Claudia Cooper claims to have spotted bird poop in the shape of Jesus on her BMW. This begs the question: Will Jesus become angry if she washes the car?

-         Does Tom Benson need to get a padded room? According his kids, the answer is yes.

9AM (4):

-         Is there a cutoff age for getting paid to donate your sperm?

-         Did you know that you can make $13,000 a year by selling your poop? America’s first poop bank has opened up and they want YOUR sh*t!