5AM (1):

-         The current state of the health care system would’ve been shocking several years ago, but now it’s just par for the course.

-         Fair is a word that has no business being in the government lexicon.

-         Will Smith is worth $300 million but claims that his daughter only has one pair of shoes.

5AM (2):

-         Offshoots of the government like the Department of Homeland Security cause more trouble than they’re worth.

-         More ‘victims’ of the alleged Bill Cosby rape scandal have come forward.

6AM (1):

-         Is it racist to relay the fact that the majority of criminals are minorities?

-         Believe it or not, the ideal night for a cop is to grab a chicken sandwich and a coffee, not arrest a handful of criminals.

-         Houston is the most ethnically diverse city in the country.

-         An armed robbery took place in Houston’s Galleria area yesterday.

-         New Orleans is investigating a double shooting that occurred the other night. Is it any coincidence that it happened across the street from a Popeye’s?

6AM (2):

-         Audio: Who wants to be the first man to have sex with Bruce Jenner?

6AM (3):

-         Would you take a health supplement known as the “Forever Pill?” The pill is aimed at treating anti-aging on a cellular level.

-         The FCC’s Net Neutrality ruling is coming up in a matter of weeks.

6AM (4):

-         If Bruce Jenner does time in prison, he’ll probably be okay with a “pound me up the butt prison.”

-         Guest: John Stossel – Former investigative reporter at ABC, now featured on Fox Business Channel.

7AM (1)

-         Emails – Listener Gloria wants us to wish a happy Valentine’s Day to a Marine. She should know that we would never wish such a pansy holiday to a Marine.

-         Why is it that when Joe Biden makes a gaff, the media pays no attention?

-         Audio: Joe Biden has an old ‘butt buddy’

-         Brian Williams may be the most interesting man in the world.

-         Chances are Brian Williams isn’t coming back to NBC.

-         Some reports indicate that Jon Stewart is being considered for the replacement of Brian Williams.

-         David Carr is dead, but it’s not the David Carr you’re thinking of.

7AM (2):

-         Barack is getting millions of views with his new video using his ‘selfie stick.’

-         Emails – Listener Tommy wants to know why we think that Barack hates Christians.

-         Does audio exist of Obama saying the words “Holy Bible”

-         A teenager is having trouble wearing pants because of his unusually large penis. The conundrum led to the world’s first penis reduction surgery.

7AM (3):

-         Audio: Senior citizens are raving about Fifty Shades of Grey

-         Parody: Have you checked out Fifty Shades of Grey Hair?

-         Parody: When Christian Gray spanked me

7AM (4):

-         According to reports, an ISIS attack against Belgium has been foiled.

-         Since Fifty Shades of Grey was released, doctors have seen a significant spike in sexual injuries.

-         What would it take to score an interview with Brian Williams?

8AM (1):

-         What are the top ten most important things to college kids? Sadly, the list includes phones, phones and more phones.

-         5 Random Facts

8AM (2):

-         Parody: Bill Cosby has the perfect drink recipe for Valentine’s Day!

-         This day in history: 473 years ago today King Henry the VIII executed his fifth wife.

-         Tragedy in India: At least a dozen people have died after a train in Southern India was derailed.

8AM (3):

-         How do you plan to celebrate Valentine’s Day?

-         Parody: Donald Trump will be presenting his gal with an authentic blood diamond this Valentine’s Day!

-         Rolling Stone magazine has taken the time to rank all the comedians to ever appear on SNL. Coming in at number one is John Belushi.

8AM (4):

-         Parody: Smoking kills – even ISIS agrees!

-         Why is Karl Malone in the news?

-         Parody: Mel Gibson has some tips for Valentine’s Day

9AM (1):

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         Every fat guy on SNL has died over the years. Whatever fat guy holds this title now should enjoy his time because his days are probably numbered.

-         David Cassidy of the Partridge Family has filed for bankruptcy.

9AM (2):

-         Don Mclean is selling the American Pie manuscript strictly because he is broke.

-         According to a poll of SI swimsuit models, many report urinating in the ocean due to the amount of time they spend in the water during a shoot.

-         It’s almost magical how your money becomes Barack’s!

-         Emails – Listener Suzy wants to know the best way to punish her son for stashing cigarettes in his room. Seems like sharing them with the rest of the family fits the bill.

9AM (3):

-         Parody: Vince Vaughn wants you to vote Republican. This could signify the end of his career in Hollywood.

-         Why exactly do so many Jewish people back Barack when he is so blatantly against the Jewish community?

-         Parody: Who else will Barack sleep with on Valentine’s Day besides Strong Face?

9AM (4):

-         Parody: Have you checked out the Real Housewives of ISIS?

-         According to reports, food in scarce in Venezuela right now.

-         Will Smith claims that his daughter only has one pair of shoes and a limited supply of clothes.

-         Business Idea: A car detailing service that only staffs people with OCD.