5AM (1):

-         Disney has instituted a no-smoking policy in all of its future movies.

-         Do dwarfs think the law will treat them like children just because of their size?

-         Today is Election Day in Mr. Netanyahu’s country.

5AM (2):

-         Barack Obama is supposedly giving millions of dollars to a non-profit organization that lobbies for freedom in Israel. What they’re really doing is handing money to Netanyahu’s opponent.

-         According to reports, Hillary Clinton received millions of dollars from the Chinese government.

-         Bill Clinton received nearly half a million dollars from a recent speaking engagement.

-         Ted Cruz is scaring little children. Yep, he’s a radical.

6AM (1):

-         Everybody else in the world wants to talk about basketball. The bracketing system is becoming more confusing as the years pass, however.

-         Tim Tebow has been working with a famed quarterback coach.

6AM (2):

-         Parody: Just when you thought every St. Paddy’s Day parody had been made…

-         A new study finds that men burn a significant amount of calories simply by sitting on the couch. Women, however, not so much.

6AM (3):

-         GUEST: Dr. Melvin – He’s a feminist

6AM (4):

-         Years from now they’ll be able to bring Bill Clinton back with the DNA stain on Monica’s dress.

-         Calls

-         Taser Report: The penis is the LAST place that you want to be electrocuted! How would you like to be the poor bastard that has to remove the barbs from a guys’ tasered dong?

7AM (1)

-         Thank God Putin was found. Could it be that he went down to the SXSW festival in Austin?

-         Parody: Putin meets hippies in Austin

-         It’s true that we’ve never been more vulnerable than now.

-         Emails

-         This day in history

7AM (2):

-         Audio: Ted Cruz thinks “the whole world is on fire”

-         Parody: How the news portrayed Ted Cruz’ statement

-         Evander Holyfield and Mitt Romney will square off in a ring. There has to be something more to this than charity, right?

-         How much were artists paid at Woodstock? According to reports, Jimi Hendrix got $18,000; that’s equivalent to a little over $100,000 today.

7AM (3):

-         A flight to Denver from Dulles International was interrupted when a drunken terrorist attempted to charge the cockpit while screaming “Jihad”

-         A Louisiana veteran was angered when the manager of a McDonald’s wouldn’t fly the American Flag at half mast.

-         Disturbing: Time spent in a war zone does not allow one to receive paid retirement until age 60. Voters, however, can get their money now!

7AM (4):

-         Did you hear the Obama joke about the reporter that asked him a hard question? Me neither.

-         The story of the morning is the attempted terrorist attack on a Denver-bound flight by a man that charged the cabin screaming “Jihad”

-         According to Ted Cruz, the ‘Open Immigration’ policy that America is about to embark on will change the landscape of our country forever.

8AM (1):

-         St. Paddy’s Day isn’t even celebrated in Ireland.

-         Audio: Let’s spend one minute inside a woman’s head.

-         Have you ever heard of a fellow by the name of Creflo Dollar? If you give him just $300 for his ministry, he can finally afford the multimillion-dollar jet he so desperately deserves.

8AM (2):

-         5 Random Facts

-         Filling out your March Madness bracket costs Americans almost $2 billion/year in productivity.

-         Breaking: The screaming “Jihad” guy that charged the cockpit of a United Airlines flight was not a Muslim.

8AM (3):

-         Two guys in Michigan named Fred and Gordon swapped organs in a transplant they both desperately needed to live.

-         Obama has sent your money over to Israel to support Netanyahu’s opponent in the election.

-         42 percent of Americans can’t spell the word “Budweiser.” Why is this no surprise?

-         Several baby names have been put on the ‘extinct’ list.

8AM (4):

-         Want to piss off a Muslim? Ask a man to put on a burka.

-         65 percent of the women on the trucks that carry illegals into America are raped during the journey according to one study.

9AM (1):

-         Audio: In Mobile, Alabama, would you know a leprechaun if you saw one?

-         Celebrity Birthdays

9AM (2):

-         What’s out on DVD today?

9AM (3):

-         What’s new with Rachel Maddow these days? According to reports, her show commands a measly 725,000 viewers.

-         The Federal government shelled out $125 billion in erroneous tax credits last year. Of these handouts, $40 billion went to illegal immigrants.

9AM (4):

-         A teenager in England has been arrested on suspicion of racial stereotyping and racial comments on social media. This begs the question: when did racism become a criminal offense?

-         According to a female rapper, she hates all “fat white people.”