5AM (1):
- It’s safe to say
that Barack has finished his March Madness brackets
- The amount of
time wasted in the process of filling out March Madness brackets is mind
boggling.
5AM (2):
- John Kerry called
Netanyahu to congratulate him on his victory. Barack on the other hand, hasn’t
made that call yet.
- The idea that our
planet is here to use is not a school of thought that conservationists want to
accept.
- In Touch magazine
claims that Bruce Jenner has already had his genitals lopped off as a part of
his ‘gender reassignment’ surgery. According to the magazine he regrets the
decision, however.
6AM (1):
- The majority of
profanity complaints to the FCC for radio and television shows are almost
always unfounded. Who has time to waste on crap like that?
- There are three
types of drivers out there: The immature driver, the adult driver and the
‘parental’ driver.
- No one is pleased
with their insurance company. The gal on TV that seems happy about hers is
receiving a massive paycheck.
6AM (2):
- Parody: Try ‘dumb
luck’ when picking your NCAA brackets
- A Kentucky man
decided to take a dump in his pants when he appeared in a Louisiana court the
other day for murder charges.
- Chuck Norris may
be the reason that Netanyahu won his election. Turns out that Norris launched
an 11th hour plea in support of Netanyahu’s election.
6AM (3):
- Audio: Racial
inequality is exactly what the media wants you to talk about
- This day in
history
- A coon is a
salient example of cleanliness. Would hanging a picture of one in employee
bathrooms cause restaurant workers to wash their hands more often?
6AM (4):
- This day in
history: The area that Graceland is located in used to be a plush part of town.
Today, that’s not the case.
- The reports on
how Elvis died are still conflicting.
7AM (1)
- Parody: Don Trump
has declared his intent to run for President
- Will instant
replay reviews become a requirement for every NFL penalty? Use of more instant
replay could extend every game out to ridiculous lengths.
- Thank God we work
in an unconventional office environment that’s filled with hallways of
soundproof studios. This eliminates the awkward reactions that would follow
when we refused to fill out March Madness brackets.
7AM (2):
**
- According to
researchers from Brazil, babies that are breastfed are more likely to have a
higher IQ than those that weren’t breastfed.
- Parody: Try
Dante’s organic breast milk
- It’s official:
Sharknado 3 will be made
- In gay news, Liza
Minnelli has checked into rehab for a valium addiction. Is the addiction a
result of her mother’s breast milk?
7AM (3):
- Just because you
can do it doesn’t mean you should.
- Audio: Someone
compiled the sounds of a standard airplane takeoff and turned it into an EDM
beat.
- Why is it that
men get better looking as they age, but women get uglier?
7AM (4):
- Parody: Who’s
ready for some March Madness brackets?
- The guy that runs
Starbucks wants to trump capitalism because he’s already made it. He simply
doesn’t want anyone else to reach his league.
8AM (1):
- A collection of
Elvis’ belongings are being auctioned off at Julian’s Auctions. The collection
includes his marriage certificate, a Stutz Blackhawk, and even the remote
control for the Graceland gate.
- Emails
- Want to keep
someone from sitting next to you on the plane? As they’re sitting down, ask
them if they’ve accepted Jesus Christ as their personal savior.
8AM (2):
- Durango Colorado
made Forbes list for one of the top ski resorts in the nation.
- How often do
women think about money during sex?
- Used to be that
women would use shoes as form of currency.
- A study shows
that women that make the food they see on cooking shows are on average 11
pounds heavier than those that don’t.
- Will Joe Biden
run for President in 2016?
8AM (3):
- The Secret
Service is so low that they’re using some of the oldest excuses in the books to
get them out their screw ups.
- In a story that
sounds like it’s straight from The Onion, the Secret Service has asked for $8
million to build mock-up of the White House.
8AM (4):
- Being a P.I. is
easier these days with the advent of drone technology.
- Can you name the
10 Commandments without having to Google it?
- Obama can be
likened to a bratty, angry little child that hasn’t gotten his way.
9AM (1):
- Calls – Mike shot
down a drone that flew above his property. This begs the question: Do we own
the space above our land?
- Celebrity
Birthdays
- This day in
history
9AM (2):
- Calls
- Barack does more
whining in a day than your average bratty child.
9AM (3):
**
- What constitutes
an inappropriate interview question? At Bose, questions like “how would you
unload a plane-full of jelly beans” are routine.
- Breaking: Singer
Sam Smith has lost 15 pounds. Will Tom Petty sue him for copying his slender
figure as well?
9AM (4):
- Fun Fact: Only
two states have never recorded a temperature over 100 degrees: Alaska and
Hawaii.
- Harry Truman
joined the KKK in 1924 to gain support for his potential position as county
judge.
