5AM (1):

-         It’s true that middle-aged white me are the only ones that can be blamed for anything.

-         The collapse of the US economic system has been predicted for years but no one did anything to prevent it.

-         Two of the biggest Republican maggots in all of politics are Lindsey Graham and John McCain.

-         Rand Paul has some good ideas, but can we get past his lamb’s hair?

5AM (2):

-         The best thing to do to prepare for the next several years is to learn a foreign language; preferably Russian, German or Spanish.

6AM (1):

-         In the headlines this morning: Illegals have been crossing the border at unprecedented rates. We already knew that though, right?

-         The viewer numbers for March Madness were at an all time low this year. This just goes to prove

6AM (2):

-         Calls

-         It’s easy for Barack to lecture Christians on what they’re doing wrong, but Muslims… that would be just wrong to comment on.

-         It’s true that sometimes you get fired because you suck at something.

6AM (3):

-         Parody: We’re here to honor the life of a Vegas casino buffet guy

-         According to reports, most German pilots flying for Lufthansa train in Arizona before getting their wings. The reason: mountains.

-         Buddha died from eating pork… how’s that for irony?

-         This day in history

6AM (4):

-         BB King was hospitalized in Nashville yesterday. We’re guessing it’s just a case of the blues…

-         5 Random Facts

-         The USPS has just released a commemorative stamp for Maya Angelou featuring quotes she never said.

-         It’s been nearly 7 years since Tiger Woods has won a major tournament.

-         It seems like just the other day that Clint Eastwood got elected to be the Mayor of Carmel, CA.

7AM (1)

-         We’re being told by liberals that it’s disrespectful to refer to Hillary Clinton as “Hillary.” The irony is that her first name is plastered all over her campaign signs.

7AM (2):

-         A group of Muslim students at the University of Michigan protested against a showing of American Sniper, claiming that it portrayed Muslims in a poor light.

-         Have you engaged your ‘glutes’ today?

7AM (3):

-         Uber is pissing off taxi drivers everywhere because it’s putting them out of business.

-         Parody: Live in the country? Try the Uber alternative, “Goober”

-         Wouldn’t you like to drink breast milk with Katy Perry?

-         If humans never stopped drinking breast milk, would we be a nation of super beings?

7AM (4):

-         Remember: It’s offensive to call Hillary by her first name despite the fact that it’s plastered all over her campaign signs.

-         Parody: And now a message from our President.

8AM (1):

-         Emails – Listener Tony wants to know where we get our information about Barack being a Muslim.

-         Shocking news: Reports of voter fraud are being reported out of Chicago.

8AM (2):

-         Parody: Hotel Seis

-         Audio: According to Bill Clinton, a great democracy doesn’t make it harder to vote than it is to buy an ‘assault weapon.’

-         Would you buy Julia Roberts Hawaiian palace for $30 million

8AM (3):

-         Parody: Have you tried Bob’s Corn hole?

-         A 12-year-old kid had the best March Madness prediction. Who would’ve thought that a kid would come up with the correct picks?

-         Have you ever tried shark fishing from a Florida beach? A new viral video depicts a bobcat stepping out into the Florida surf and catching a shark in his mouth.

8AM (4):

-         Emails

-         Are you interested in an exciting new career in radio? Contact us to set up an interview to become a salesperson at our Beaumont affiliate.

9AM (1):

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         We’re just one week away until taxes are due.

-         Buddha started off skinny but became fat in his later years.

-         Joel Osteen has a radio show now. When will the taser reports start?

9AM (2):

-         Parody: “What’s for dinner mom?” Try Old Obama – so good, it should be illegal!

-         Guest: Barry – A Democrat in Chicago that reported a case of voter fraud

-         Does anyone have an imagination anymore or is it simply a generational thing?

9AM (3):

-         A 55-year-old Vermont woman was arrested after cops caught her drinking, driving and writing down directions on a legal pad.

9AM (4):

-         Would you have trouble pulling the plug on a person you’ve dated for a year?

-         Because we love corrections; one listener wants us to know exactlywhere Texas Roadhouse is located. The point is: it’s not a Texas-based company.

-         Remember Ross Perot?