5AM (1):

 

-         How much of the Masters did you watch over the weekend?

-         Let’s be clear: Hillary wants you to think that she’s the warrior of the middle class.

-         What is America’s fascination with Hillary?

-         In 2015, we are our own enemy.

 

5AM (2):

 

-         As predicted, Jay-Z’s premium streaming music service was a bomb.

-         Good news for those travelling to India: Uber can now hail you a rickshaw

-         A survey of people say they hear less whistling than they did 20 years ago.

 

6AM (1):

 

-         The last six years have demeaned the White House more than we could have ever imagined.

-         Like him or not, Donald Trump has more name recognition than anyone in politics.

 

6AM (2):

 

-         Audio: This woman may or may not have slept with all the members of the Wu Tang Clan.

-         If you can name one significant achievement that Hillary Clinton has accomplished, we’ll give you nothing. But it’s one hell of a challenge nonetheless.

 

6AM (3):

 

-         We all know that everyone watches the Masters just for the music.

-         Calls – Technically, Hillary could qualify as presidential accomplishment just for her ability to provide comedic fodder.

 

6AM (4):

 

**

-         Calls – What exactly has Hillary accomplished?

-         Parody: Part 1 of “Friends with the Clintons”

-         “I’m proud to be a Caucasian, said the racist white man”

 

 

 

 

7AM (1)

 

-         This day in history

-         The MTV music awards were on last night and Bradley Cooper won

-         It’s pretty impressive to see an American do something else with a candy bar besides put it in their mouth.

 

7AM (2):

 

-         Fox is remaking the Rocky Horror Picture Show. According to the network, the remake will not deviate much from the original script.

-         Have you checked out some of Hillary Clinton’s new campaign slogans?

-          During the Clinton’s time in the White House, they somehow acquired over $20 million worth of ‘stuff’

 

7AM (3):

 

**

-         Any of Hillary’s violations would be enough to

-         Parody: Part 2 of “Friends with the Clintons”

-         Will the Barack and Michelle do the same thing to the White House that the Bill and Hillary did when they left back in 2000?

 

7AM (4):

 

-         Taser Report

-         Something about the taser just doesn’t satisfy the blood lust of cops. If the device were to be redesigned with an electrocution sound, the number of death cases may drop.

-         5 Random Facts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8AM (1):

 

-         Parody: “Illegal” is the new ‘N word’

-         Penn Jillette has lost a ton of weight recently. Question is: Will he still remain funny?

-         We’ve heard so much hype about Hillary, but have you ever actually met someone that loves her?

-         Emails – The length of taserings would go down if a portion of the voltage was fed back to the cop using the taser.

 

8AM (2):

 

-         A Cleveland woman accidentally dropped her kid into a den of cheetahs at a local zoo. The child only sustained minor injuries.

-         A Texas man has had his vanity plate revoked after the DMV finally deemed it offensive.

-         Don’t let Rand Paul’s lamb hair distract you from his political intentions

 

8AM (3):

 

-         Today is Butch Cassidy’s birthday

-         Was Mrs. Jefferson actually a whore?

 

8AM (4):

 

-         Parody: Harrison Ford has some sage tax advice for you

-         Do you watch the show Veep?

-         Hillary wants you to believe that she’s a ‘warrior’ for the middle class. Fact is: words such as “warrior” are nothing but rhetoric coined by a focus group.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9AM (1):

 

-         A new survey revealed that 61 percent of people lie on the first date.

-         The good news about Hillary Clinton is that she won’t stain the Oval Office carpet.

-         Celebrity Birthdays

 

9AM (2):

 

-         This may shock you, but the media lied about the purported ‘gun ban’ at the NRA convention over the weekend.

-         Would you pay for a voicemail message from Chris Hanson?

 

9AM (3):

 

-         If you hurt your leg while drinking, the only sane thing to do is to keep drinking, right? One Virginia woman thought so.

-         Hillary Fun Facts: Hillary Clinton hasn’t driven a car since the eighties

 

9AM (4):

 

-         The current generation is so stupid that they think that Michelle Obama would be next in line if something happened to Barack.

-         Californians suffered a small earthquake last night.

-         If you’re going to steal money from a Subway, don’t put it in a bag that has dollar signs on it.