5AM (1):

-         How will the new Paul Blart movie fare this weekend?

-         What would you say that Hillary Clinton’s greatest accomplishment is? According to Hillary, it’s more of a fill-in-the-blank kind of questions.

-         Emails

5AM (2):

-         Obama has added 25,000 pages to the Federal tax code since he’s been in office.

-         Meanwhile in Mexico, we found out that there’s an Al Qaida training camp.

6AM (1):

-         More than 2000 college students at UNT signed a petition attempting to prevent Greg Abbott from speaking at their graduation ceremony.

-         According to an Austrian doctor, we’re not middle aged until after our sixties.

-         A word to you young guys out there: Telling a woman to “hush” is the worst thing you can do when you want her to be quiet.

-         Johnny Manzeil was released from prison.

6AM (2):

-         Audio: We can never pass up the opportunity to play the Johnny Football song

-         Do the Texans have a chance at getting Russell Wilson? For all the money they charge at the games, they sure as hell should.

-         What would it take to get the show to New York for the draft?

6AM (3):

-         The Entourage theme song is coming back

-         Audio: Jim Morrison saw the future when predicted the advent of auto tune.

-         TIME magazine recently released the list of the most influential people. The list includes the likes of Kanye West and TV actors.

6AM (4):

-         Why does Hillary Clinton get to roll around in a limousine that’s funded by tax payer dollars? After all, she’s not even a government employee.

-         Parody: Hillary Clinton joins the Scooby gang

-         How do you know when you’re at a bad prom?

-         Have you seen the promos for the Diane Sawyer interview with Bruce Jenner?

-         It’s no surprise that Putin wants to blow us up. After all, TIME magazine put Kanye West on a list of the most influential people.

7AM (1)

-         Guys: If you want to see your future, look at your woman’s mom. That’s what you’ll end up with.

-         Tips for the thrifty strip club connoisseur

-         This day in history

7AM (2):

-         In 1964, Ford released the first iteration of the Mustang.

-         Taser report

-         In Rhode Island, tasers are referred to as “less lethal weapons”

-         In Houston, a man on a killing spree was shot dead by cops. Headlines elsewhere report “Unarmed black man shot dead by Houston police”

7AM (3):

-         Emails – Why aren’t W&J on in Austin?

-         Would 2 taser reports in one day be too much? Of course not

7AM (4):

-         Calls – Jana wants to know if Muslims shop at Piggly Wiggly?

-         Have you heard of the drug “flakka?”

-         Taser Report #2

-         Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton is out rolling around in a taxpayer-funded limousine.

-         We don’t have reruns, we have previously enjoyed segments.

8AM (1):

-         Who would’ve thought that someone with the name Mahamud is a terrorist?

-         Parody: Hillary Clinton Scooby song

-         The popular trend now is to refer to Hillary as “Killary”

-         Since communism is so popular these days, why doesn’t Hillary just come out and declare her support for the party?

-         Even FDR, the most communist president of all until now thought that unions were a bad idea.

8AM (2):

-         We’ll be out and about in Louisiana tomorrow

-         5 Random Facts

-         Close your eyes for a second: Where do you think the best place for a public tablet would be? Olive Garden has decided to place tablets on the tables of some of their restaurants.

8AM (3):

-         What would morning shows do without surveys?

-         Since when has a Mexican travel warning been anything new?

-         Is Mr. Kenneth a “log cabin Republican?”

-         Someone set up Ted Cruz with yet another gay question.

8AM (4):

-         Audio: Morgan Freeman thinks kids are stupid

-         The new Star Wars movie had some thunder stolen from them yesterday after the Batman vs. Superman trailer was leaked.

9AM (1):

-         Audio: What’s better than an uplifting message from a Navy SEAL?

-         Christians just aren’t welcome in the military anymore.

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         Tim Curry should make another pirate movie

-         Calls – Can you imagine Bill Clinton being the first gentleman of the US?

9AM (2):

-         Remember, using the word “illegals” is the same as using the ‘n’ word.

-         Good news: Strongface may be coming to a town near you! The bad news is that she’ll be taking away all the good food.

 

9AM (3):

 

-         Have you heard the new music from David Hasselhoff?

-         Miranda Lambert wants you to know that Beyonce has endorsed her for a music award. After all, we always check with Beyonce before making music recommendations…

 

9AM (4):

 

-         Turns out that Melissa Harris Perry isn’t as happy to pay her taxes after all.

-         38-year-old Lasanya Simmons of Ohio just found out that her coworker is her mom.

-         If you plan on getting it on this weekend, here’s a list of the most erogenous zones that women prefer having touched.