5AM (1):

-         Most kids would probably be shocked to find out that the fanny pack was actually designed to be worn above the fanny.

5AM (2):

 

-         Barack claims to be a Christian, but I think we all know the truth behind that statement.

-         The usual batch of crap is in the news this morning: celebrities and more celebrities. All of this is intended to keep your eyes off the real news.

-         Rosanne Barr wants you to feel sorry for her because of her degenerative eye disease.

-         Blue Bell announced yesterday that they are recalling every last one of their products.

-         Obama probably loves the fact that Blue Bell is being recalled; after all, it’s a southern product.

 

6AM (1):

 

-         Does Catfish taste better if you noodle it yourself?

-         Emails

 

6AM (2):

 

-         This day in history: Today is the day of the great Texas victory at San Jacinto

-         A naked Houston woman in her late 40s drove straight into Kohl’s at 60 mph.

 

6AM (3):

 

-         5 Random Facts

 

6AM (4):

 

**

-         We’re told that Hillary is very smart. Every time we hear her speak, however, we can’t find any validity in that claim.

-         Parody: Hillary’s “uh-huhs” set to the tempo of Matthew Mcconaughey beating chest

-         What cities used to rank top in slave ownership?

-         Most of the racial divisions today are caused by those that want division.

7AM (1)

-         A woman suffering from severe agoraphobia stepped out of her house for the first time in 10 years. Unfortunately for her, she fell into a manhole and broke her leg. It’s safe to assume she’ll never leave the house again.

-         This day in history

-         A grandma was recently patted down at the airport for acting strange and refusing to make eye contact with security agents. Turns out the woman was loaded down with cocaine underneath her spanx.

-         Why didn’t we think of this? Someone has devised a recipe for bacon wrapped deep-fried Oreos

-         According to a report, the vast majority of authors in America make minimum wage or less.

 

7AM (2):

-         This day in history: The white man suppressed the brown man, or something like that…

-         Cell phones are too cheap these days. The majority of people with them don’t need them.

7AM (3):

 

-         Blue Bell has recalled all of their products from the shelves.

-         Giorgio Armani wants gay men to stop dressing like women. According to Giorgio, a guy can be gay but he still needs to celebrate the fact that he’s a man.

 

7AM (4):

-         Parody: Morgan Freeman on Daylight Saving Time

-         Is beer the best thing you can get drunk on? Getting drunk on beer rather than hard alcohol may make you a happier drunk.

-         Why is it that homeless drunks are never fat?

-         Parody: Blueberry diet cinnamon whiskey – for when you’re ready to plan your gay uncle’s wedding

 

8AM (1):

 

-         Today is the day of the great Texas victory at San Jacinto

-         Let’s keep this in mind: Our downfall as American citizens is Barack’s victory

-         Brace yourself: The new Star Wars may not happen because of a group of feminists. According to the group, the film doesn’t represent any gay relationships.

 

8AM (2):

 

-         The latest episode of Mad Men was directed by a woman. Does that make it inherently bad?

 

8AM (3):

 

-         David Horrowitz, a Jewish Libertarian was invited to speak at a school only to be confronted by Muslim students opposing his point of view.

-         A Florida man was caught buying crack last week. As it turns out the guy was an out-of-work police officer.

 

8AM (4):

 

-         Workers buried a time capsule at the Houston Astrodome when it was built. A team has been assembled to find the capsule now with the aid of radar.

-         Isn’t it great when young kids dress up in their prom attire and proudly sport their tattoos and backwards hats? Fact is: they don’t care what we think; they only care about what other idiots think.

-         A 24-year-old man in England can no longer have sex after injecting his dong with Vaseline.

-         Parody: W&J present the best reasons to move your business to Texas

 

9AM (1):

 

-         Parody: Shirley Q celebrates the victory of San Jacinto

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         New music out today from Passion Pit and Drake

-         Pandora is struggling to supports its infrastructure due to the lack of paid subscribers. That’s great news for us radio guys.

 

9AM (2):

 

-         Good news: America is no longer primarily owned by the Chinese. The bad news is that the Japanese own us now.

-         According to a study out of England, taking vitamins may not do anything for you. Turns out they may do more harm than good.

-         Have you ever been so mad that you felt the need to pelt your ex wife with Cadbury eggs?

 

9AM (3):

 

-         Who’s better: Michael Jordan or LeBron? This question drove two men to duke it out

-         The Texas open carry bill may very well pass. Logic would tell you that concealed carry may be a better deterrent to crime than open carry, however.

 

9AM (4):

 

-         Kraft foods is taking artificial food coloring out of their foods

-         A woman in Texas broke the speed eating record this weekend in a steak eating contest

-         In Georgia, medical marijuana is now legal