5AM (1):

-         Will we ever see Bruce Jenner’s knockers on TV? Possibly… but we’ll never see his pubes.

-         Good news: Ken is back today and the boys are back from their vacation.

 

5AM (2):

-         Mitt Romney and Evander Holyfield will square off in a fight for charity. Who really has the upper hand?

-         You have to figure it’s going to be a great news day when the top headline features a smiling Kim Jong Un standing on top of a nuclear submarine.

-         Jimmy Carter had to cut a trip short due to an illness.

-         Who will go first: Jimmy Carter or Bush Sr.?

 

6AM (1):

-         It all started as a traffic stop in Hattiesburg and quickly escalated into a shootout. Two cops, one black, were shot and killed over the weekend.

-         Only two dead and 14 wounded in Chicago over the weekend. Good thing those thugs gave moms a break…

-         Several deaths have been confirmed from tornadoes that occurred over the weekend in North Texas and Oklahoma.

 

6AM (2):

-         Parody: Producer Ken found out the hard way what ‘Obamanomics’ means in Mexico.

 

6AM (3):

-         While we were gone, we missed out on the opportunity to talk about the attempted ISIS attack in Garland. These guys should know by now not to screw with Texans.

-         Parody: What happens when a Texan confronts a couple of ISIS guys?

-         According to reports, there’s an ISIS training camp right outside of Houston. If the authorities know the camp is out there, why haven’t they done anything? The answer probably has everything to do with political correctness.

 

6AM (4):

-         The news media still has trouble injecting the word “Islam” in their newscast.

-         The Army is exercising war games aimed at teaching soldiers how to suppress angry, rioting conservatives in Texas.

-         Audio: Let’s make sure that we give ample space to rioters that wish to destroy.

-         Parody: Good morning Baltimore!

-         Meanwhile in California, a water park has opened and the government continues to use the same amount of water they used before the drought.

 

 

7AM (1)

-         Parody: The VA is very concerned with your needs. In fact, they can even predict your death!

-         Warren Buffett wouldn’t mind paying more taxes and he wants you to do the same.

 

7AM (2):

-         Parody: Marge from North Dakota – what’s the deal with all these fat babies?

-         A controversy has arisen at LSU: according to reports, a ‘lazy river’ will be constructed on the campus.

-         A lot of listeners have been bringing up the Jade Helm operation scheduled to go down over the summer.

 

7AM (3):

-         Is NFL lingo as difficult to understand as a fast-talking Mexican guy?

-         Every now and then the taser works as it was intended.

-         Only we have the balls to use the word “Islam” in our broadcasts.

 

7AM (4):

-         If ISIS is in Texas, what are the chances that they’re in Mississippi?

-         Parody: Check it out - ISIS Cali is currently recruiting new members!

-         Are you familiar with the term “cotton vagina?” According to some studies, excessive marijuana use can be linked with dry vaginas.

-         And now, a few words on road rage.

 

8AM (1):

 

-         The USPS has been bleeding money for years.

-         Baby Boomers: If you want to see the media stop catering to the Millenials, stop financially supporting them!

 

8AM (2):

 

-         Barack is considering yet another ‘Kingly’ order. He doesn’t want you to be able to defame Muslims. Question is: How much Muslim ass do we need to kiss?

-         The media went crazy over the Pam Geller incident.

-         Parody: Check out the first annual Iranian art contest. Tune in next week where we stone a gay person!

-         Remember when protesters actually had a legitimate reason to protest?

 

8AM (3):

 

-         Bill Maher is hesitant to criticize Islam for fear of backlash

-         Calls – Today is Odom’s birthday

-         A lot of people bitch about getting old… but think about the alternative.

-         The fact that Texas is viewed as a threat to the nation may indicate that a civil war in imminent.

 

8AM (4):

 

-         Why do we need to pay the NFL to honor our veterans?

-         The weekend body count in Chicago was lower than expected. Could it have something to do with Mother’s Day?

 

9AM (1):

-         Audio: Hillary Clinton wants you to know that she’s all about bringing illegals into the country. Old audio, however, suggests otherwise.

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         The Mindy Show has been cancelled.

 

9AM (2):

-         IS anyone really hurting anyone but themselves with their drug use?

-         Austin has become a haven for migrating Californians.

-         Here’s a few warnings for you Californians thinking about moving to Austin

 

9AM (3):

-         If all the cars sold in the US last year were electric, the entire grid would be shut down.

-         With a good accountant and a QuickBooks program, all the financial problems of the US could be solved in about half an hour.

 

9AM (4):

-         Barack finally visited South Dakota for the first time. A photo surfaced of a most uninterested crowd during his speech at a local community college.

-         How many “man in Florida” stories will we have to make up for after our vacation?