5AM (1):

 

-         According to the people on television, everyone cares about Tom Brady.

-         Fox Business Network replaced Don Imus with a woman.

 

5AM (2):

 

-         Looks like The Simpsons will soon be cancelled.

-         Barack intended to meet with Iran and other world leaders; the majority of them, however, refuse to meet with him at the summit.

-         When it comes to Barack’s politics, the word “lying” isn’t used enough.

 

6AM (1):

 

-         According to Snoop Dogg, the reason he watches Game of Thrones is for historical purposes. He enjoys knowing “how we got here”

-         Used to be that the US stood for freedom; nowadays America is all about freedom from hurt feelings.

-         Tom Brady is appealing his punishment.

 

6AM (2):

 

-         Detroit is in the news. A Senator has been charged after shooting at his girlfriend’s Mercedes outside his home. Not many details exist on the case; after all he is a Democrat.

-         Great news: Kanye West is now “Dr. West.” According to sources, the Art Institute awarded West with an honorary doctorate degree.

-         A site dedicated to spotlighting YouTube millionaires exists. Question is: do you have to be an idiot to understand this crap?

-         Emails

 

6AM (3):

 

-         Have you ever looked at an ISIS flag upside down? It looks like three guys having their way with three goats.

-         Why do people like Jeb Bush think that immigrants will somehow convert to Republicans after they get here?

-         If you think that the Bush’s and the Clinton’s aren’t in the same club, think again.

 

6AM (4):

 

-         Parody: Today is the grand opening of Tom Brady’s House of Balls!

-         What do Chinese throwing stars and a multibillion-dollar check have in common? Florida.

 

 

7AM (1)

 

-         How desperate would you have to be to consider putting a weapon up your butt in an attempt to conceal it?

-         With all the problems we have in this country, Texas Congress is up to something else.

 

7AM (2):

 

-         Adam Sandler’s new movie The Cobbler is set to be released today. Will it bomb?

 

7AM (3):

 

-         What kind of idiot still used AOL?

-         Olive Garden has announced ‘breadstick sandwiches’

-         One TV teaser last night described the sale of pot in Colorado as “selling like chicken nuggets.”

 

7AM (4):

 

-         Audio: Producer Ken hit up the local bong shop to talk with some rather uninformed young women.

 

8AM (1):

 

-         What’s wrong with this picture? Lindsey Lohan is set to finish her community service working with children in New York.

-         How much money would it take for you to take your grandma to prom? Of course, there are grandmas in the ghetto that are 29…

-         According to some, this Thursday may be the end of the world.

 

8AM (2):

 

-         Parody: New at Olive Garden, unlimited breadsticks with a side of breadsticks

-         There’s nothing better than a Florida woman high on ‘Flacka’

 

8AM (3):

 

-         A video went viral recently depicting a man attempting to eat the same amount of food that The Rock eats each day. His average day features 7 protein-based meals.

-         According to research from Carnegie Melon University, having more sex will not make you happier as one might think.

 

8AM (4):

 

-         Things men hate about other men. Was this list pulled from Mr. Kenneth’s phone?

-         82 people have been killed in Baltimore this year. Ironically, this is about the same number as last year.

 

9AM (1):

 

-         How much will Tom Brady’s suspension end up costing him?

-         According to one source, Tom Brady has something like 17 businesses he is receiving money from. It’s safe to say that he won’t be hurting for cash during his suspension.

-         Celebrity Birthdays

 

9AM (2):

 

-         Big news: Rapper Neyo will be in town to perform at the opening of the whopping three miles of light rail track in Houston. Next to him will be Mayor Anise Porker.

-         Those that work with Ryan Seacrest attest to that fact that he’s just like Dick Clark.

-         Fox has decided to renew Family Guy and a few other shows, but The Simpsons will be coming to a close soon it seems.

-         If you haven’t checked out Baxstrom yet you’re missing out.

-         It always seems that TV networks cancel the shows we like. It’s almost as if there’s a group of people in Hollywood that listen to the show for the sole purpose of pissing us off.

 

9AM (3):

 

-         A group of students that chose to wear Chic fil A t shirts at school on LGBT day were suspended. This is, of course, based on the fact that Chic fil A hates gay people.

-         What advice would you give to young parents bringing a child into the world for the first time?

 

9AM (4):

 

-         Of all the things that happened to people growing up, most never had child services called on their parents.

-         There’s a new TV show coming up featuring a reenactment of the OJ Simpson trial. Cuba Gooding Jr. will be portraying OJ.

-         New music from Snoop Dogg will be released today. An appearance from Stevie Wonder is featured on the album.

-         Tip of the day: Never bring a knife to a GI fight.