5AM (1):
- In the news this
morning: Jane Fonda has a great ass and George Clooney’s wife didn’t say “yes”
right away.
- What are the
chances that operation “Jade Helm” has anything to do with suppressing private
citizens with guns?
5AM (2):
- The entire premise
on shows like The Bachelor is that
the whore always wins.
- It’s always the
politicians that tout the sanctity of marriage that end up having affairs
themselves.
6AM (1):
- Some liberals are
claiming that the Waco shooting was the result of Sarah Palin’s influence on
American society.
- How can someone
live in Houston for 6 years and not know that W&J are on the air?
6AM (2):
- Audio: Doug
Stanhope reveals the problem with old people.
- What exactly is
required to be called a “Tweeter?”
- A study wants to
know what kind of events you would drive 5 hours for.
- We’re supposed to
start feeling bad for Joe Biden because his son is having health issues. Some
say that the kid’s problems are due to the fact that Joe beat him as a child,
however.
6AM (3):
- Have you seen the
new hipster trend called the ‘man bun?’ According to reports, most chicks
aren’t digging the look.
- Some say that
African rhinos may soon inhabit ranches of Texas.
- If John Wayne
were still alive and acting today, there’s a good chance he’d probably be doing
truck commercials.
6AM (4):
- Who’s responsible
for getting John sick in New Orleans over the weekend? Question is: should he
take medical marijuana or regular marijuana for it?
- Col. Sanders is
coming back to celebrate the 75th anniversary of Kentucky Fried
Chicken.
- Audio: The actor
that portrayed the voice of Col. Sanders sounded drunk during the recording
process.
7AM (1)
- Parody: In honor
of Letterman’s departure, Elton John shares a few words.
- One of the
suspects in the Waco shooting was a former detective.
- Keeping
undesirable people out of restaurants can be nearly impossible sometimes.
- Reruns of I Love Lucy ran on Sunday night. The
great this is that it turned out to be the number one scripted television show
that aired that night.
7AM (2):
- It’s possible
that Jim Morrison died early because he wanted too.
- Emails – Travis
wants us to know that motorcycle clubs are not ‘gangs.’ Fact is: when MCs start
shooting up places, they instantly become a gang.
- Parody: You’ve
heard about the Waco biker gangs, but do you know about the Austin Handlebar
Bicycle Gang?
7AM (3):
- Parody: Mickey
wants to stick a selfie stick up your ass!
- Critics are
expressing frustration with Girl Scouts after the organization declared they
will now accept ‘transgender’ children.
- Boy Scouts don’t
want anything to do with guns anymore, even water guns.
7AM (4):
- How many Twin
Peaks girls got thrown around like dolls in Waco over the weekend?
- Calls – Odom was
in a good mood this morning until he heard how the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts
are changing.
- Taser Report
8AM (1):
- One of the better
ideas to ever come to the show is to not let everyone vote. There needs to be
some kind of intelligence test in place to weed out the morons.
- A burglar named
Bob is on the loose in Connecticut. With only this to go on, detectives will
have a hell of a time tracking him down.
- This day in
history: 509 years ago today Christopher Columbus died in Spain.
- Tragedy in India
8AM (2):
- A hot dog vendor
in New York is charging $30 for a hot dog. Some are saying the government
should go after him and regulate the price of hot dogs.
- Mel Gibson’s
career was virtually ruined by the comments he made about black people. Jamie
Foxx, a known racist, is celebrated for his hatred for white people, on the
other hand.
8AM (3):
- Is George Soros
funding the Boy Scouts these days? It sure seems like it with all the
transgender stuff coming to the surface.
- The best kind of
pushups is the kind you do with a naked girl under you.
8AM (4):
- Remember ladies,
topless selfies are ALWAYS welcome! We have no objection to bottomless ones as
well.
- Parody: Shirley Q
– Watussi goes to the DMV
- An alien expert
claims to know the size of extraterrestrial aliens, should they decide to visit
earth. According to his theory, we should expect to see aliens in the 700 pound
range.
- Parody: Shirley Q
claims to know the derivation of the word “mosque”
9AM (1):
- Celebrity
Birthdays
- The 30th
season finale of Survivor is on
tonight.
- Will you watch
David Letterman’s departure tonight?
- Joe Biden’s son
has been hospitalized after suffering a mild stroke. Is Biden to blame for this
for beating his son as a boy?
- The democrats are
panicking now that Hillary is sitting in her own mess.
9AM (2):
- What would Columbus
have Indians if he hadn’t have thought he was actually in India?
- Movie idea: How
cool would it be to make a movie about the Vikings invading Texas? Of course
The Rock would have to star in it…
9AM (3):
- The largest
recall in the history of automobiles is currently underway. A manufacturer of
airbags is recalling millions of airbags after they declared them unsafe.
- A 5 year old was
at a Waffle House recently and offered to buy a homeless man a meal after
asking his mom why the man was so dirty.
- Companies are
finding more creative ways to advertise now that they know most people wiz
right past commercials with the aid of their DVR.
9AM (4):
- There’s a former
Alabama State Senator going around removing Confederate flags from the graves
of random people. He probably won’t face punishment because he’s black,
however.
- What are the best
breakfast dishes in other countries and how does the US stack up against them?
- The coolest
Waffle House in America is being built right now in New Orleans.
