5AM (1):

-         Somebody has to work to keep the country running. Not us of course, but somebody…

5AM (2):

-         Rand Paul spent 10 hours filibustering yesterday.

-         What would you do if it started raining poo?

-         A new product is available that allows you to connect a camera to your dog’s neck. Tehe camera is constructed to start recording when the animals’ heart rate goes up. We’re certain people will scoop these up by the dozens.

 

6AM (1):

-         Willie Nelson is narrating a documentary about a 90-year-old roadie named Ben.

-         Did you watch David Letterman’s final show?

-         Google maps may have a problem with racism. According to reports, if you type “‘n’ house” in the program, the White House will come up.

-         Emails – Val needs some advice about her kid.

6AM (2):

-         A sixteen-year-old girl was celebrating her birthday in a hot tub when an airplane dropped a load of poop on her party.

-         According to TMZ, Brad Pitt has been known to order the occasional male hooker from time to time. Of course, you know how reliable TMZ is…

-         Research indicates that if the entire US was hit with an EMP, 90 percent of the population would die within the span of a year.

-         The biggest security threat to the US is sitting in the White House.

6AM (3):

-         5 Random Facts

-         The man that flew his miniature helicopter on the lawn of the Capitol is facing 9-10 years in a federal prison. Meanwhile Hillary Clinton is roaming free across the country.

-         Will you catch Avengers: Age of Ultron this weekend?

6AM (4):

-         Parody: What would the NSA find if the monitored the porn habits of Muslims?

-         Cops found a mass of hidden weapons in secret locations in the Waco Twin Peaks. Clearly the gangs were anticipating an attack at some point.

7AM (1)

-         If we use your tip on the air, we’ll pay double for it. Maybe…

-         Emails – Listener Kyle is concerned about the restaurant in his local Bass Pro Shop.

-         Why don’t all Bass Pro Shops have restaurants in them?

-         Michelle Obama has a new workout video that she wants you to see. Finally we know the secret to her large, toned arms!

-         Parody: Have you tried Michelle Obama’s new fried chicken meal?

 

7AM (2):

 

-         According to USA Today, some of the dead people in the Waco shootout may have been shot by police.

-         Parody: What would a Yelp review of the Twin Peaks in Waco sound like?

-         A new study claims that men that drink at least two cups of coffee a day are less likely to suffer from impotence.

7AM (3):

-         Parody: And now message from the Federal Government to Millenials: Big government baby!

-         A sewage treatment plant in California has adopted a new mascot conveniently named “Mr. Dingle.” The brown mascot looks suspiciously like a turd wearing a hardhat.

-         Remember the first Pop Tart? There are now 27 flavors available.

-         David Letterman signed off for the last time last night.

 

7AM (4):

 

-         When you put a communist in charge of a capitalist society, you get what is now modern-day America.

-         Chelsea Clinton’s first book is soon to be released. The key word here is “first.” The Clinton’s have made millions over the years by book sales alone.

-         Would you believe that we may all be getting sick because of wireless communications?

 

8AM (1):

 

-         The actress that gave Elvis his first on-screen kiss is raising money to restore her home. Interestingly, she left acting years ago to become a nun.

-         Remember when Al Gore predicted that the polar ice caps would be gone by 2014?

 

8AM (2):

 

-         Parody: We got our hands on Michelle Obama’s new workout video and it’s as great as you’d ever want!

-         This day in history

-         We don’t often get international mail, but it sure is great when we do!

-         Calls

-         There were 36 pages of job openings in the Houston Chronicle this weekend but there are 10 million on food stamps.

 

8AM (3):

 

-         Police in Vancouver, Washington got a call the other day about a tiger attack on a car. When cops arrived, they realized that the ‘attack’ was actually a stuffed carnival prize.

-         What foods have you been eating wrong all these years?

-         The houses used on television sets may not be worth as much as you thought.

 

8AM (4):

 

-         A 29 year old New Zealand woman got lost in a forest while hiking. The only thing that kept her alive was drinking her own breast milk.

-         Word to the wise: Don’t give a cop the stink hand.

-         A study indicates that, although most women get more sleep than men, men almost always wake up in a better mood.

 

9AM (1):

 

-         Ben Carson has shown support for the minimum wage boost. His point is that young people have no motivation to work because they can make more on government assistance. Here’s an idea, Ben: let’s lower the amount of government assistance being handed out.

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         This day in history

 

9AM (2):

 

-         Let’s take a moment to play “Can you spot the irony?”

-         According to Democrats, the Amtrak system in the eastern part of the US needs over $100 billion in funding to improve infrastructure. How about train ‘engineers’ that can obey the speed limit?

-         Looking for a new vacation spot?  A new trend called “naycationing” is all about going to nude resorts.

 

9AM (3):

 

-         When’s the last time you ran just for the sake of running?

-         Parents: If your kid is looking to apply to a university that has a “Diversity Officer,” think long and hard about sending your money to that school.

 

9AM (4):

 

-         We’re a little upset that Lynyrd Skynyrd didn’t ask us to be on his new album.

-         A new cell phone will soon be available that only makes calls. The phone is as small as a credit card as is currently seeking donations on a Kikstarter campaign.