5AM (1):

 

-         Why isn’t it a hate crime if a black guy kills an entire white family and burns one alive?

-         The media wants you to think that it’s inevitable that Hillary Clinton will be your next president.

-         Like him or not, Rand Paul is the only one standing up for the Constitution right now.

-         Profiling is an effective means of preventing terrorism. Let’s cut the crap about racial profiling and just move on with our lives.

 

5AM (2):

 

-         How long until the entire world of late night television isn’t financially sustainable?

-         Can we save the country before Putin or the Chinese take over? It’s probably wise to start practicing your Russian right now…

 

6AM (1):

 

-         Audio: Roger Daltry has developed an intolerance to smoke of any kind.

-         Women are notorious for overreaction during driving

-         The roads in Houston are so dangerous that it’s best to buy the biggest truck on the market just for the sake of protection.

-         Parody: A now a message from the hot girl at the lake on Memorial Day

 

6AM (2):

 

-         People have been saying since the advent of television that radio is over. Well, it’s 2015 and we’re still rolling.

-         Audio: The media has a great way to tell females when they aren’t ‘doable’ anymore.

-         Listen up women: Most of these pansy ass guys today want you to make the first move.

 

6AM (3):

 

-         We’re getting more reports on what Osama Bin Laden was reading before his death.

-         David Letterman’s departure wasn’t newsworthy. One has to wonder why he chose Wednesday night for his finale. It’s probably because Johnny Carson’s final show was on Friday and he didn’t want anyone to compare him to Johnny.

 

6AM (4):

 

-         There’s a viral video of a bunch of hipsters singing to Player’s “Baby Come Back” and then driving off the road.

-         The hipster movement is nothing more than the latest iteration of the beatnik movement.

-         Follow up story: Remember the daughter of the Korean Air exec that made a plane turn around after she was served nuts? Turns out her one year sentence was cut short.

 

7AM (1)

 

-         Guest: Jon Reep – Standup comedian that’s known for the Dodge Hemi commercials.

 

7AM (2):

 

-         5 Random Facts

-         A group of hackers broke into a singles website and released personal information of thousands of members.

-         This day in history

-         Yet another hot high school teacher is in trouble with the law after being accused of passing out pot-laced brownies to two of her female students.

-         There’s a new conspiracy theory going around that claims the bikers in Waco were conned by the cops into going to Twin Peaks so they would shoot each other. Are they on to something?

 

7AM (3):

 

-         Emails – Cornell is upset with us. He wants us to know that calling Strong Face “Chewbacca” is just wrong. I mean, how would Chewy feel about this?

-         There’s a new musical about Elton John soon to be released.

 

7AM (4):

 

-         Audio: Remember the Merv Griffin episode on Seinfeld?

-         For those of you that are social media hounds, a survey indicates that photos that use filters are more likely to be ‘liked’ and be viewed.

 

 

8AM (1):

 

-         A woman in Arizona has been sentenced to 3.5 years in prison for running over her husband with her SUV because she didn’t vote against Barack Obama.

 

8AM (2):

 

-         A magnitude 4 earthquake has struck Napa Valley, California.

-         What would it take for one of us to go undercover at a biker rally to see if these ‘gangs’ are as dangerous as they seem.

 

8AM (3):

 

-         David Letterman had the biggest audience in two decades Wednesday night.

-         Did you kids drink Sunny Delight when they were kids?

-         Parody: What if the kids in the original Sunny Delight commercial were still hanging out in Mom’s house?

 

8AM (4):

 

**

-         We discovered this morning that Osama Bin Laden was quite the voracious reader.

-         Parody: Porn titles for terrorists

-         A couple raised quite a stink in New York this weekend when they brought their S&M fetishes to a mall.

-         A North Carolina man decided to protest the airline he was flying by getting naked. According to reports, the man wasn’t going to make the flight because the airline overbooked the plane.

-         If you say “choc full” does that mean something is fuller than full?

 

 

 

 

9AM (1):

 

-         Parody: Roasting marshmallows over the Memorial Day weekend? Try Honest Al’s new all natural marshmallow-roasting stick!

-         Celebrity Birthdays

-         What’s new at the box office this weekend?

-         A new porn movie is coming out that features an actress portraying the role of Hillary Clinton.

-         Parody: Kenny Alan doesn’t know what ComicCon is…  

 

9AM (2):

 

-         As a taxpayer, how would you like to pay for sexual reassignment surgery?

-         Isn’t it great that anyone can use any bathroom without fear of repercussions? Thanks Mayor Porker!

 

9AM (3):

 

-         Audio: Alabama Saturday night

-         How would you react if someone shot your $70,000 robot?

 

9AM (4):

 

-         PETA sent an undercover ‘agent’ into the shop of a foul mouthed sheep shearer

-         Parody: PETA destroys lives!

-         “Drop that ass for Obama” is probably the theme song of Baltimore right now.

-         Have a safe Memorial Day weekend and remember what the day is all about!