5AM (1):

-    The world has changed overnight. Brace yourselves: Rick Perry is running for President.
-    Will Rick Perry’s glasses lead him to victory in his presidential campaign? Considering how shallow America is, anything’s possible.
-    Hillary Clinton is coming to Houston but her ‘team’ won’t let us anywhere near her.

5AM (2):

-    Who said you have to have a good memory to run for president? Clearly Rick Perry doesn’t believe this.

6AM (1):

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-    For half a billion dollars, would you become a woman? Bruce Jenner will reportedly be worth this amount when all is said and done.
-    According to reports, Silicon Valley is starting to break up due to the high cost of rent.

6AM (2):

-    And now, genitalia talk on the Walton & Johnson show. Pharmaceutical companies have wanted to sell the female version of the blue pill for years.
-    If the Muslims find out that women in America are taking the female version of the blue pill, they’ll want to kill us even more!

6AM (3):

-    GUEST: Carol Robinson – Writes for an Alabama paper and discovered there’s a connection between EBT cards and terrorist funding in Yemen.
-    How many Nick Saban jokes are we allowed per show?

6AM (4):

-    Hillary Clinton commits more crimes on a daily basis than Martha Stewart has committed in her lifetime.
-    Is Hillary already in Houston scouting out the city?
-    ISIS has released a kill list and surprisingly none of us are on it. Seven Texas cities, however, are on the list.

 
7AM (1)

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-    Fun Fact: Your toothbrush is covered in poop spores.
-    Parody: Try the “Caca Clean Toothbrush”

7AM (2):

-    The word “fair” is purely subjective. That said, the last thing we need is the government trying to determine what fair is.
-    Parody: What if the government regulated beauty? Meet the Department of FUGLY.
-    Rick Perry changed his website at 3:00 am as a part of his plan to run for president.

7AM (3):

-    At least Rick Perry recognizes his own limitations. With his limited mental faculties, a two step plan is in the works instead of the previously anticipated 3 step plan.
-    Used to be that food stamps were only for basic food essentials.
-    Emails
-    A CARE worker has been arrested in a child pornography scheme. How’s that for irony?

7AM (4):

**
-    Parody: Shirley Q checks in
-    Audio: This lady may serve jail time for cheering on her son at graduation.



8AM (1):

-    Calls – No serviceman in America that honorably served should ever need an EBT card.
-    Audio: Bruce Jenner wants you to know how great it is to have someone else do his makeup.

8AM (2):

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-    Chester Hanks, son of Tom Hanks, has gone a different route than Tom. ‘Chet’ as he likes to be known as is an unsuccessful white rapper that wants you to know it’s OK for him to use the ‘n’ word.
-    Parody: Forest Gump 2 – Forest in the hood!

8AM (3):

-    Can you imagine Michael Bloomberg running for president?  
-    Houston attorney Arthur Schechter is donating millions to the Hillary Campaign. The Clintons love him so much that they appointed him ambassador the Bahamas.

8AM (4):

-    Amy Schumer addresses people about her weight.
-    In Obama’s America, it’s a point of pride to be on government assistance.


 
9AM (1):

-    When will these television producers realize that there’s nothing intriguing about everyday life.
-    Celebrity Birthdays
-    Remember the original computers and how expensive they were? Nowadays there’s more computing power in your pocket than NASA used to put a man on the moon.
-    This day in history

9AM (2):

-    How long until ATMs arrive on Cuba? What about Sandals resorts?
-    According to MSNBC, the word “woman” cannot be used with reference to abortion anymore because it doesn’t include ‘trans men’
-    A New York City politician claims that there’s a “stigma” associated with kids that get free lunch at their schools. For just another $20 million/year, everyone can have free lunch! Let’s not focus on who will be paying for it though…

9AM (3):

-    An old gay couple in Pennsylvania got married after living together as ‘father and son’ for the last 50 years.
-    Here’s a list of the definitive rock albums you should own if you’re a big fan.
-    Tom Cruise’s son went on Twitter yesterday to rant about the fact that Bruce Jenner is getting a ‘courage’ award.

9AM (4):

-    Parody: One minute inside a woman’s head