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June 9th, 2015
Today on WJ
5AM (1):
- There’s a new show soon to be premiered on TLC about a man with no penis.
5AM (2):
- Let’s celebrate the 14-year anniversary of Tropical Storm Allison.
- How many scientists lost a life’s worth of research during the flooding of Allison?
6AM (1):
- Some say Donald Trump is an idiot, but we’d take him any day over Jeb Bush.
- The only question that should be used to legitimize a presidential candidate is “who is funding your campaign?” In other words, the people politicians owe for funding their campaign reveals a lot about his or her character.
- Tom Benson gave $11 million to have a stadium named after him. If you ask him, though, he gave the money simply for the good of the game.
6AM (2):
- The trial aimed at determining whether or not Tom Benson is crazy will resume tomorrow.
- How much to buy out a judge?
- Have you ever noticed that Donald Duck never takes off his gloves? Maybe it’s because he’s a germ-a-phobe.
6AM (3):
- Have you noticed that the wrapper on many candy bars is so tight that you essentially destroy the bar during the opening process?
- Only in Dallas: A deep fried slim fast bar – would you try it?
6AM (4):
**
- A close personal friend of the Boston Bomber is facing prison time for deleting his emails. Is this not exactly what Hillary did?
- Did you watch the video of the Texas cop that pushed a belligerent teen girl?
- Parody: Have you tried compliance? It’ll save your life!
7AM (1)
- We’re entering the political season and, as it turns out, it’s not as hard to create a political ad as we first thought.
- Parody: Billy Ed for President!
- Parody: Like white women? So does Mr. Eaux and he wants to be your next President!
- If the Republicans would’ve picked a better candidate in the past two elections, Barack would have never made it into the White House.
7AM (2):
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- Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie recently flew coach to France with their 6 kids. Question is: why?
- Parody: Are tourists responsible for the mountain earthquake in Malaysia?
7AM (3):
- Yet another touching immigrant story here on the show.
7AM (4):
- Parody: You paid $300 for this shi*ty music festival. Enjoy!
- How often do you witness road rage?
8AM (1):
- Parody: What will the commercials for the new female Viagra sound like?
- Why is it that everyone that’s ever made great music was hideous? Think about it: If someone like Elton John came around in this era, he may not have made it. Billy Joel is another example.
- Emails
8AM (2):
- From the headlines of US newspaper: “MLB sees its first ‘amphibious’ pitcher”
- A national news outlet covered the release of several new drinks from Starbucks last night. Meanwhile, more Christians are being beheaded overseas.
- A proposed law is being considered that would impart a multimillion-dollar fine on those wishing to discuss technical details of guns over the internet.
- Parody: NRA - In our ‘new America’ the government will determine who needs guns.
8AM (3):
- A pizza crust stuffed with hot dog is finally here! Three years ago Pizza Hut introduced this product internationally, but it’s finally coming to the States.
- Would you participate in an orgy consisting of 125 disabled people? Turns out that disabled people like to get it on as much as regular people do…
- Emails – Our emoticon news had mixed reviews this morning.
- A poll indicates that the worst burger in America is the 5 Guys bacon cheeseburger. We strongly disagree.
- Did you see the movie Kingsman?
8AM (4):
- What part of “there’s a communist in the White House” doesn’t scare you?
- Good news: Apple is coming out with a radio station.
9AM (1):
- Celebrity Birthdays
- An Amtrak train collided with a truck carrying thousands of pounds of bacon.
- 2000 piglets are on the run after escaping from a pin.
- Guys: Would you take the last name of your wife?
9AM (2):
- Hillary is smart in the sense that she knows not to talk to any media outlet. The less she says, the better her chances are not to screw up.
- Houston is home to some of the worst drivers in the world.
- We sometimes forget about how many criminals that listen to the show
- Calls – Odom has a road rage story
9AM (3):
- How different would the world be had we never instituted prohibition?
- Before drugs like cocaine and heroin were illegal, crime rates were significantly lower than they are today.
9AM (4):
- We got an update on our trans-species ‘grizman’
- Katy Perry has a new song out called “1984”
- How many smart women out there have big boobs?
- Maine is the only state with one syllable.
Comments:
| | Sabrina - 2015-10-15 | | There is going to be a lot of speculation on how this all comes about. And as you can see from the mtuitulde of know-it-alls that there are many different angles to approach this question!Sparing you a lecture I would give my business students, the world basically works on a supply and demand basis. Demand up > Prices typically increaseDemand down >Prices typically decreaseSupply up >Prices typically decreaseSupply down ->Prices typically increaseAs people we buy on emotion.. When we FEEL safe we TYPICALLY spend more . when times are uncertain.. we TYPICALLY hold our money.Take all that above noise and all the different products and services that your city, state, country, region, world etc. has.. and suddenly the world is a pretty amazing and complex place!Using the previous points can help you to understand the world on a more macro level. You can easily plug in an industry and create your OWN conclusions. For example.. oil People think supply is going to be down.. prices do what ? | | by Sabrina |
| | Funda - 2015-10-13 | | a young girl in a class of 12 or so boys would be too disruptive so I and my house plntas future was out of luck..This blog was great and came on a perfect day a day when I needed a few good laughs the day after we buried a favorite teacher, good friend and co-worker. Thank you Roselyn and thanks fo God for cheering me up. And now I am going to read your blog again. I am smiling already. Even my plant has a happier look about it. | | by Funda |
| | Jack - 2015-10-13 | | flatly. The finality of his tone made Matt ucrfmoontable. He simply nodded in reply.“However we have not yet come to a conclusion,” said the Director as he licked his teeth. Matt’s heart plummeted.“Did you receive my Letters of Recommendation?” asked Matt.“We did.”“And my Curriculum Vitae?”“Yes.”“You’ve read both Supplementals? Did you review my Work History, my Dating Profile, and my Video Journal? And the poems I was required to write, you received those didn’t you?”“Mr. Bigsby, as I said, we have reviewed the entirety of your application. Yet before we can accept you into Medical School, there is still one more matter that must be dealt with.” Matt’s head raced, he had worked so hard just to receive an interview. What else could the school need to make a decision? He wondered if perhaps he was required to submit to a physical, as college athletes must.“Do you need my medical records?”“We have them already, they were in your First Supplemental Application. No, the Final Evaluation is designed to determine whether or not you have the fortitude to dedicate yourself to a career that walks the line between life and death. Do you think you are ready?”“Yes, sir. Is this a multiple choice exam?”At this, the Director laughed. The sound was sharp, almost electric, and jarring. Matt winced reflexively.“Yes, I suppose it is multiple choice in a way. You have two choices,” the Director continued after his laughing fit had passed. “Anyone who wants to be a doctor must be able to make life or death decisions. We find most applicants, even those as promising as yourself, do not appreciate the gravity of those decisions. This evaluation will correct that.”“What do I have to do?”“You have to kill someone.” As he said it, the hard-eyed Director could not resist a smile.“Is this a joke?”“Is medicine a joke? Is being a doctor, a joke?” the Director’s eyes flashed. “What makes you think you can save someone’s life if you can’t take one? How will you know how hard you have to work to keep someone alive until you know how hard it is to kill them?”“I don’t want to do this.”“Don’t you want to be a doctor?”“Yes I do, but not like that. Didn’t you tell me I had two choices? What is my other choice?”“Let someone kill you.”“This is insane!”“This is what it takes to be a Physician. But if you cannot keep your cool, Mr. Bigsby, and cannot make a difficult decision here, what makes you think you can do it when a person’s children are clawing at you, crying, begging you to save their mother’s life?”“I’m not a murderer.”“As a doctor you will be. Might as well come to terms with that. Sooner or later you are going to kill someone.”“That’s different, I’ll be trying to save them.”“What is the difference between trying to save someone else and killing them, and trying to save yourself and killing them? Except that in the second scenario, at least the person you’re trying to save will survive.”“So its a fight to the death?”“The person you face will be wholly devoted to ending your life as painfully and brutally as they can.”“I can’t believe this is happening. This can’t be real.”“It is real. We are making the next generation, the best generation of doctors. No other physicians will be as dedicated to their calling as you and your colleagues will be. One life lost now will amount to dozens, perhaps hundreds more saved later. Until you push yourself to the limits, how can you know what your limits are? Once you complete this task, you will have put yourself through the most difficult endeavor one man can endure, and succeeded! There is no task you cannot accomplish if you can accomplish this.”“How am I supposed to do it?”“It will be held in the faculty gymnasium. The squash courts have been reserved.”“Do I get a weapon? A gun or something?”“No. We found applicants were more apt to take their own lives if we provided any firearms. You and your opponent will both be unarmed. But rest assured, you will have your wits, if you keep them, and they are a doctor’s greatest tool.”Matt did not say anything, he put his head in his hands. He felt sick and weak and hot. He tugged at his tie because he felt like it was strangling him. Strangling, he thought. Strangling “What is your decision, Mr. Bigsby? Are you ready to become a doctor?”Matt flexed his hands into fists, feeling how hard he could squeeze, wondering how much force it took to crush someone’s windpipe.Without looking up, Matt finally whispered, “I’m ready.”“Let’s hope so. The world needs you to be.” | | by Jack |
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