5AM (1):
- There’s a bit of hope on the horizon: The Amazon ‘Black Friday’ deal was a flop. Americans saw through the fact that the only things on sale were the items that no one wanted anyways.
- Bush Senior has been hospitalized after a fall in his home.
- Chris Christie is upset that he gets asked about Donald Trump on a daily basis.
5AM (2):
**
- Teens are taking pictures of themselves licking donuts to show their solidarity with Ariana Grande. Thanks for reminding us how dumb you are, kids!
- Good news: You can now buy a jewel for your cat’s brown eye!
6AM (1):
- Ross Perot Jr. is in the news for purchasing a group of radio stations.
- How long until Michelle Obama reveals to the world that she’s actually a man?
6AM (2):
- If someone had to put a man on Pluto, the best choice might be Barack Obama.
- If Maury Povich were the president of Kuwait, he’d order mandatory DNA testing for all its residents.
6AM (3):
- Barack would prefer it be illegal to ask him question that challenge his agenda.
- A PA man was found drunk and naked in a hog barn. He’s been charged with impersonation of a Florida resident.
- There’s a new jewel designed to hide your cat’s anus.
6AM (4):
**
- Barack was met by a barrage of confederate flags as he landed in Oklahoma.
- We’re made to believe that ISIS sprung up by itself. Fact is, the weapons used by ISIS are all American and were paid for by American tax payers.
- How long until Barack comes on the show?
7AM (1)
- We should send the story of the man that had sex with an alligator to Barack so he can see what outrageous looks like.
- Then entire Western world is dying at the hand of political correctness.
- Someone bought Brittany Spears’ grocery list for $60
- Ronda Rousey can scare even JJ Watt
7AM (2):
- The smartest thing Barack says all day is “uhh…”
- Parody: Sick of fighting a holy war in the desert? Try “Jobs for Jihadis”
7AM (3):
**
- Parody: Congratulations – You’re gay and married! What now?
- Guest: Dr. Rand Paul
7AM (4):
- Audio: Does the ISIS national anthem mention Obama’s name in it?
8AM (1):
- People want you to believe that radio is over and podcasts are the next thing. The numbers don’t bear that out, however.
- Anyone can do a podcast… including Shaq.
- The final piece of ice from last winter finally melted yesterday in Boston.
8AM (2):
- Who had the better dress at the ESPYs: Halle Berry or Bruce Jenner?
- Taser Report
8AM (3):
- The ESPYs weren’t about sports last night; it was all about transgender people.
- Hillary is getting money from her good friends at JP Morgan
- Communism is not all about keeping people equal; it’s about ensuring that the government keeps all the money.
- When the systems is rigged between a candidate that will give you a paycheck and one that won’t, who do you think the majority of people will vote for?
8AM (4):
- Obama has been working on his new image for a few years and finally decided to reveal it to the world when he used the ‘n’ word.
9AM (1):
- Celebrity Birthdays
- There’s a move to ‘de-segregate’ neighborhoods by building projects in affluent parts of town.
- Some say that if it weren’t for Ross Perot, there would be no Bill Clinton.
- This day in history: Sandra Bullock married Jessie James. We tried to warn her but she just didn’t listen.
9AM (2):
**
- Parody: What would Shirley Q ax Rand Paul?
9AM (3):
- Bruce Jenner is the kind of hero that America needs in the face of China
- What’s premiering tonight on TV?
- Random Facts: The first guy to go over Niagara Falls died slipping on an orange peel 15 years later. Who would’ve guessed?
- Would “Fist Full of Fun” be a good name for a band?
- If you’re looking for lube, there’s a 55-gallon drum being sold on Amazon.
- Mr. Eaux bought him a 2 pack of ski masks during the Amazon sale yesterday.
9AM (4):
- The only thing holding us back from becoming a black preacher is the fact that we’re not black…
- How long until a scandal brings down Joel Osteen?
- It’s hard to ignore a 900ft Jesus statue.
- Did you know “niggle” is a real word?
