5AM (1):
- Donald Trump continues to soar in the polls even after being lambasted for the past two weeks. Even Fox news had their doubts, but it turns out everyone is sick of the bacon-wrapped shrimp club – both Republican and Democrat.
5AM (2):
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- A new class of HIV medications may soon be released that guarantees complete immunity from the disease. Does this nullify the whole legal marriage thing?
- Were Barney and Fred Flinstone secretly gay? Unfortunately these are questions we may never know the answer to…
6AM (1):
- The following headline is NOT a news story: “Lindsey Lohan still looks good in a bikini”
- Attention TV people: How embarrassed are you to be a part of your profession? Your organization is truly a joke and serves as nothing but comedic fodder for the American public.
6AM (2):
- Have you heard about Obama’s latest push to enforce gun control?
- In case you didn’t know, Social Security no longer exists. You have no reserve despite what Obama would have you think.
- This day in history
6AM (3):
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- Parody: For the first time you can get tickets to the Transylvania Music festival if you donate your blood plasma.
6AM (4):
- Parody: Federal Government Theater presents: Macbeth
7AM (1)
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- Cheating website AshleyMadison.com has been hacked. The company claims it was an inside job.
- Calls – Margaret, a native if Wales loves the show and will continue to listen when she returns home.
7AM (2):
- 5 Random Facts: Marlboro cigarettes were originally intended for women
7AM (3):
- The latest census report has some people questioning the legality of the information it requests.
- Taser Report
7AM (4):
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- Obama wants you to believe that if you own a gun, you’re mentally deficient and shouldn’t be able to receive social security.
- She Jack says that Obama has put in place such a comprehensive database of personal information, any Democrat that secures the White House following Obama will have access to the information.
- Joe Biden doesn’t hate guns, he just believes we need more ‘gun free zones’
- Parody: It’s impossible to be shot in a gun free zone, right?
8AM (1):
- Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton are getting a divorce and we can’t get away from the news.
- How will Miranda and Blake split their assets?
8AM (2):
- Everybody hates Hillary Clinton, even her own party.
- Liberals are calling Donald Trump a “feckless blowhard” after he made hurtful comments about Mexicans.
- If you ever want to see a better display of the vapid state of American television, check out The Bachelor.
8AM (3):
- Speaking of reality TV, Housewives of Houston never panned out because the women were too worried that they’d be portrayed in a trashy manner.
- Parody: Real Housewives of Detroit
- According to reports the world has broken a record temperature just in time for the Climate Summit in Paris.
- It’s often overlooked that the founder of Greenpeace openly denounced manmade global warming.
8AM (4):
- If we can’t trust our own military to use guns, why did we train them to use them for our defense?
- Audio: Happy Birthday America!
9AM (1):
- The “Happy Birthday America” song was a hit
- Celebrity Birthdays
- Just one week until World Hepatitis Day! How will you celebrate?
9AM (2):
- In honor of National Junk Food Day, here are a few random facts about junk food that you may not have known.
- The most dangerous junk food in the world is the deep-fried Quaalude from Bill Cosby Industries.
9AM (3):
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- A Florida gun shop owner announced on Facebook has announced he will no longer sell guns to Muslims. According to the owner, his store will be a “Muslim-free zone.” Naturally, CARE and the public are outraged.
- Mr. Eaux announces he’s becoming a Muslim this afternoon, but shouldn’t there be a test or something? We just want to make sure it’s official!
9AM (4):
- A drunken, naked air-traffic controller was found on the floor of a control tower the other day.
- Parody: Do you want an airline that gives you criminal immunity? Try Sanctuary Airlines!
- A man named Mark has eaten at Chipotle every day for the last 107 days.
